You’ve learned: Love is hard work, you have to fight for your lover, your wife, husband, even a one-night stand. Right?
The way I see it: You can’t fight for anything without losing yourself. Stop fighting. Start loving. First yourself, then your darkness, your shadow self. Love your flaws, your rough edges and lovingly accept that you are who you are: a human being. Embrace your inner child. Give her/him love. Repeat and breath. Then go into the world and let the universe do its magic.